Sunday, May 28, 2006
Friday, May 26, 2006
This is the second time that my hatred (and fear, if I may be candid and a little vulnerable) have compelled me to purchase a cat. It was rats in St Albans that caused my shadow to fall across the humane society's doorway. I strode in and told the lady behind the desk "Look, I'm not looking for a pet. I want a working animal. Can you show me a cat that will kill things, because I can't have a lazy one. This animal has its work cut out for it." The lady walked through the "cat room" and down a long corridor. As we walked the lady explained to me that the cat she had in mind was too vicious to put with the the other cats so they kept her in a small room next to where the dogs were kept. She opened a door and there perched atop a washing machine was Molly. I went over to inspect her and she bit me. I turned and told the lady "I want this one. She's perfect!" At first Molly and I didn't get along, but I won her over with tuna fish. Her favorite game was to attack me, and I still have the shredded sweatshirt sleeves to prove it. Molly held up her end of the bargain too. She killed and ate so many rodents that sarah stopped buying cat food for her. Molly preferred the taste of blood, and although she never stopped killing and eating stuff she did mellow out. She actually became a great little cat. I have always been a dog person, but Molly convinced me that cats are the more useful animal, and that counts for a lot with me. Now I'm a cat person. Shortly after we moved to California Molly was killed and consumed herself by a coyote. Ah well... live by the sword- die by the sword.
But now I have been convinced of the necessity of acquiring another cat. Do any of you out there in the blogosphere have any tips on how to pick a good mouser. I mean, it's hard to tell just by looking at a cat if it is any good or not, and I want them all dead.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Nobody wants to be average anymore. Everyone wants to be rare. The only problem is that most of us reside right in the thick meaty center of the bell curve of life. On one side are the extraordinarily attractive and on the other are the exceptionally unattractive. On one side are the famous and on the other are the infamous. The brilliant, the stupid, the virtuous, the evil, the powerful, the powerless, the connected, the unconnected, the wealthy, the poor, etc... I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. Most of us are none of these things- we're average.
I think it is fair to say that one side of the curve is easier to attain than the other. Is it easier to make yourself beautiful or hideous? Is it easier to attain fame or infamy? Is it easier to appear excpetionally brilliant or really rather stupid?
I have noticed a trend, which I find disturbing, in our society, and I believe it is, in part, this desire not be average that is fueling it. The desire to be rare is so strong that if one end of the curve is too difficult or impossible to obtain than people embrace the other.
It is not any more virtuous to strive for the more difficult end of the curve either. (plastic surgery, blind ambition, claw your way to the top, the pursuit of wealth, the desire to be famous, powerful, etc...)
I have resolved to be content to hang my shingle in the center of the curve and be content there. I will try and please God with how I live. I will try not to grasp after things I cannot (or should not) attain, or settle for something that is less than His will for me. I will strive to take from God everything He wants to give me and give Him everything he wants to take. I will seek to enjoy my time here and do the Lord's will, knowing that all the joys and pleasures of an eternity with God await. These days are not insignificant though. They are of eternal consequence, so let us be purposeful.
I'm in a ranting sort of mood this evening.
If some new piece of transportation technology was invented, which suddenly and completely made vehicles and roadways so completely obsolete that there was no further use for them, what would the government use all those miles of roadway for?
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Me: Uhhh... 728... 723.
Sarge: (Chuckling) Go ahead 728
Me: Ummm... I don't have the necessary paper work in here.
Sarge: 10-4 728 (Pause with more chuckling) I'll expedite!
Me: Thanks 723!
If you were stranded on a deserted island with one of the cast from Sesame Street (no real people) who would you choose?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
How many one dollar bills do you think you could carry for a mile if you got to keep the money if you successfully carried them for the entire mile without stopping or setting them down? You can carry them in as many duffel bags, backpacks, boxes or whatever as you can carry, but if you stop moving, can't finish the mile, drop or set down any of it you forfeit all of the money. How many one-dollar bills could you carry for a mile?
Monday, May 15, 2006
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
Thursday, May 11, 2006
"Uncle Job! Yeah, and we're gonna go camping and eat owls! Whizzzzzzzzz!" he answered.
When Bowden gets excited he finishes most statements by slashing his finger through the air and saying "whizzzzzzz!" I don't understand it but I like it.
Don’t assume that it’s a mouse.
What you hear may be a Grift
Who is living in your house.
If you ever see a Grift
Then it’s likely there are more-
Lurking in the cupboards
And concealed beneath the floor.
* * *
Like some evil dam has broken,
And its acid torrent loosed,
The Griftish hordes return each spring
On the backs of duck and goose.
* * *
When it comes to the Grift
Here’s some advice;
They’re not to be trusted!
They’re slick as ice!
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
For the past two years Sarah and I have picked up every penny we have seen in every parking lot and grocery store aisle. We have snaked our finger into every coin return. We have scoured the ground as we walked. Every piece of money that we have found we kept in a big pickle jar on our kitchen counter. last night I counted the money and found that over the past two years we have accumulated $120.52 in found money! Now... what to do with it. I think we will start a savuings account and see how much we can put in there over the course of our lives.
In other strange money ideas. I was talking to a married couple a while ago who told me about an idea they had heard at a marriage conference once. The speaker recommended paying yourself for every time you have sex. Keep the money in a designated location and once a year spend it on a truly fantastic date. Maybe Sarah and I will start doing that.
Monday, May 08, 2006
It goes "EEK", scurry, hide...
Into the walls of your house
It goes "EEK", scurry, hide...
When you surprise a frog
It goes "ERP," hop, kersplunk...
Into puddle, pond, or bog
It goes "ERP," hop, kersplunk...
When you surprise a rabbit
It goes "thump,", jump, and run
Into the burrow it inhabits
It goes "thump," jump, and run.
When you surprise a skunk
It goes turn, lift, and spray
It fills the air with funk
When it goes turn lift and spray
When you surprise a stone
It does nothing at all-
Whether bothered or left alone
It does nothing at all.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Me: Hey Amigo! Do You know where I live?
Bowden: (Puzzled Expression)
Me: I live on a mountain. Only bad men live on this mountain. The higher you go- the badder they get!
Bowden: (Starts to leave the room.)
Me: Hey amigo!
Bowden: (He turns and looks at me again)
Me: I live at the tippy- tippy- top!
Bowden: (He walks into the other room and I hear him saying to Lucy "Hey GO! Do you know where I live?")
Friday, May 05, 2006
"I believe that by cutting the size of man in half we would effectively double the size of the earth and its resources."
Josh Tate (Visionary & Founder of the A.P.D.)
"This is the heart of our enemy. He is determined to hinder and harm and ruin God's image bearers. To steal and kill and destroy. So, let me say this again: the story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it."
"Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour."
I Peter 5:8
Jim always walked slightly stooped over- like there was some invisible weight pressing him down or maybe it was that he had been bent into that position by some former weight or some collective cumulative weight over time. Do you remember that walk? But there was an undeniable gentleness and goodness in the man. I loved him. I wish things had ended differently. It is cold and cruel on this side of eternity. There is only one thing worth living and dying for. Let us set our hearts on that one thing.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
My dictionary defines fruit as "a product of plant growth; esp.: a usu. edible and sweet reproductive body (as a strawberry or apple) of a seed plant."
Vegetable is defined as "A usu. herbaceous plant grown for an edible part that is usu. eaten as part of a meal; also: such an edible part."
This is a weak dictionary.
In short, however, a fruit is the seed bearing product of the plant, and a vegetbale is the root, stalk, leaf or other edible part of the plant. Cereal grains, berries, nuts, etc... are all part of the fruit family.
I'm glad I got that off my chest!
About half of them were still good for smashing. So I went to the athletic supply closet and selected my weapon- a long, black, aluminum baseball bat and took the box of apples to the edge of the gully. One by one I lobbed them into the air and swung away. It was a very gratifying sensation to connect with the apple and watch as fragments exploded away from the bat and landed here and there amongst the rocks and trees in the bottom of the gully. (You're welcome forest creatures!)
I hated it when I swung and missed. It was kind of depressing to watch the unmarred apple roll out of my grasp over the lip of the gully, bounce, roll some mroe and come to rest safely out of my reach. Most of them are scattered in teeny-tiny bits though.
I will definately be doing that again. Therapeutic, it was!
Monday, May 01, 2006
Yet steep enough I dare not sleep
For though it would be nice to drowse
Way up here atop the house
With a heavy sun in the west
And my body finally at rest
On shingles warm from midday sun
Though the cool of night has begun
The pitch of the roof is far to steep
For me to even think of sleep.