Tuesday, June 30, 2009
BEST LAUGH I'VE HAD IN A WHILE!
My Mom told me about this recording of a man having a little fun with a telemarketer and I wanted to share it with you guys. Pardon the language.
Monday, June 29, 2009
THE HAIR OF THE DOG
Gerald "The Ox" Nelson looked through the shattered windshield of his Mom's 1998 Ford Taurus. Beyond the spiderweb pattern radiating outward from the bloody spot where his own head had struck the windshield he could see the crumpled, smoking hood wrapped around a telephone pole. Through his ringing ears he heard a voice from somewhere to his left saying "...1540 Kennedy," and "...I think he's drunk."
Still shaky and definitely drunk Gerald reached into the back seat where he found the remains of a twelve pack scattered on the floorboards. In his shaky, blood-stained hands he gathered four beers before exiting the vehicle. He slumped down onto the street with his back against the car and very deliberately set the four beers in a row in front of him. Glaring defiantly at the growing crowd of onlookers he yelled, "YOU WATCHING?!?!"
Assured he had their undivided attention, Gerald pulled himself up, selected a beer and drank it all in one smooth gulp, a feat he had learned in college. Then, tossing the empty onto the lawn behind him, he quickly chugged a second and a third. After the third beer he stopped momentarily. He felt a little queasy like he might vomit, but the distant sound of sirens gave him the necessary motivation to master his rebellious stomach and force down the fourth beer.
Moments later, an ambulance and a cruiser, rolled up to the scene.
The trooper, a serious looking young man, asked him, "How much have you had to drink tonight?" Speaking over the blaring sirens of an approaching fire engine, Gerald yelled, "I've had four since the accident."
The trooper looked skeptical, and the OX looked triumphant- a look that said without words, "prove it!"
Still shaky and definitely drunk Gerald reached into the back seat where he found the remains of a twelve pack scattered on the floorboards. In his shaky, blood-stained hands he gathered four beers before exiting the vehicle. He slumped down onto the street with his back against the car and very deliberately set the four beers in a row in front of him. Glaring defiantly at the growing crowd of onlookers he yelled, "YOU WATCHING?!?!"
Assured he had their undivided attention, Gerald pulled himself up, selected a beer and drank it all in one smooth gulp, a feat he had learned in college. Then, tossing the empty onto the lawn behind him, he quickly chugged a second and a third. After the third beer he stopped momentarily. He felt a little queasy like he might vomit, but the distant sound of sirens gave him the necessary motivation to master his rebellious stomach and force down the fourth beer.
Moments later, an ambulance and a cruiser, rolled up to the scene.
The trooper, a serious looking young man, asked him, "How much have you had to drink tonight?" Speaking over the blaring sirens of an approaching fire engine, Gerald yelled, "I've had four since the accident."
The trooper looked skeptical, and the OX looked triumphant- a look that said without words, "prove it!"
MY SHOES- #10 & #11
So today, while I was down in the desert, I saw a man mugging an elderly woman. Of course, I ran to her assistance, and as I was running I noticed these flip-flops for sale. So I bought them for $12.99. We'll see how long these last!
Prior to beginning the police academy I received a letter from the Vermont Criminal Justice Training Council, which stated among other things that I would need to bring four different types of footwear with me to the academy. I would need a pair of new running shoes, a pair of department issued police boots, one pair of flip-flops for wearing in the shower (yes, they made us wear flip-flops in the shower) and a second pair of black boots for team building exercises. I had running shoes, police boots and flip-flops, but a week before the start of the academy found me in a local shoe store purchasing these boots for team building exercises. They are currently third on the depth chart behind the flip-flops featured above and my old police boots.
I don't really like them because whenever I take them off the pad bunches up. I hate that. I'm also not terribly keen on steel-toed boots. With the recent demise of almost all of my go-to footwear they have been seeing increased use though. Tuesday, June 23, 2009
MY SHOES UPDATE- They're droppin' like flies!!!
On Saturday I was lifeguarding here at Camp Maranatha when I noticed that a little girl was drowning in the deep end. She was going under so I jumped in and as I hit the water the strap on my beloved flip-flops gave out and separated from the rest of the sandal. That means that my choice of footwear is restricted now to two pairs of boots, one of which has never been featured on "my shoes." That will be coming soon.Thursday, June 18, 2009
OBJECTS THAT PREDATE THE MERGER- special anniversary edition
On June 16, 2001 Sarah and I were joined in holy matrimony right here at good ol' Camp Maranatha. When we moved back here in 2004 we were surprised to discover that the camp staff had faithfully preserved our wedding cake in one of the Camp's freezers. We moved it up to our own freezer in the Log House until our anniversary last Tuesday. This object does technically predate the merger but only by a matter of hours, and, yes, technically this never belonged to me prior to the merger, but I am bending the rules a little for this special anniversary edition.
8 years!!!
Here I am opening the time capsule.
Sarah very much enjoyed the fact that the top of the cake was still decorated with the chocolate dipped strawberries, which we and the wedding party dipped prior to the ceremony. It was very nostalgic for us to see those hand dipped strawberries.
I wish I had taken a better picture of them.
Sarah didn't eat any, but I tried it. We both had a good laugh when we discovered that the cake was on one of the rented plates. Oops!
It still looks good, right?
That was all I ate though. It was a little freezer burnt.
Then we unceremoniously deposited it in the trash can. It was a fun trip down memory lane for us though. We are sentimental people. Happy anniversary, dearest. I love you!!! 
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
MY SHOES UPDATE
Within a few days of their purchase the soles began to separate from the rest of the shoe, and over the past weekend they deteriorated to a point where they could not be worn further. These were easily the worst pair of shoes I have ever owned. They were falling apart literally within just a few days of coming home.
Monday, June 01, 2009
OBJECTS THAT PREDATE THE MERGER
I am kind of cheating in this installment as this swing does not technically belong to us. Back during the summer of 1996 the log house where we now reside was the girl's staff house and then, as now, the swing was on the front porch. It was on this very swing that I first confessed my love to Sarah Paulson as we were talking and swinging on a sunny summer afternoon.Neither of us would have guessed on that day in 1996 that I would use that very swing to rock our kids to sleep, and that the porch of the girl's staff house would some day be littered with our childrens' toys.
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