Saturday, October 10, 2009

WBA PRESIDENT CALLED UPON TO RESIGN AMID ACCUSATIONS OF EMBEZZLEMENT AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE

On Friday it was revealed in a prepared statement from World Bobberball Association (WBA) spokesman, Josh Tate, that WBA President, Joshua Tate, has been accused of embezzling between $1.50 and $1.75 of association money to purchase a large fountain drink. According to the statement, which was released to several media outlets late Friday afternoon, a discrepancy was uncovered during an internal audit of the association’s books, which has resulted in an investigation of the WBA head. According to one source within the WBA, who spoke with us on condition of anonymity, many are privately concerned that the embattled President has become addicted to Diet Pepsi, and may be dipping into the till to feed his habit. Since becoming embroiled in controversy amid these disturbing allegations Tate has maintained a low profile, and a request for an interview with him was denied by WBA spokesman, Josh Tate. In a joint statement from the association’s V.P. of Operations, J. Bowden Tate, and V.P. of Finance, J. B. Tate, clear evidence of wrongdoing has yet to emerge and they responded to calls for Tate's resignation by requesting that judgment be withheld pending the results of an internal investigation.

The allegations could not have come at a worse time for the WBA as it prepares for its first international tournament, which is scheduled to begin on November 1st of this year. The beleaguered association has been trying to clean up its image following a spate of accusations that Bobberball stars Steve ”Sheriff Lovely” Maxon and Lisa “Hazel Banshee” McNerney routinely abuse performance enhancing drugs to get an edge over competition in the highly competitive world of professional Bobberball. It was hoped that the tournament, which features competitors from four continents, would boost the sport’s popularity worldwide while also promoting world peace.

7 comments:

Rocket Surgeon, Phd said...

When asked for comment by ESPN reporter Rachel Nichols, Tarzan Boy Wonder responded "you free tonight?"

BOBBERBALL said...

Dear Mr. Tate,

If you don't delete this post immediately, and print a retraction, we will sue you for defamation.

Sincerely,

Josh Tate

(WBA Chief Legal Counsel)

barefootkangaroo said...

Dear Mr. Tate,

You don't intimidate me you litigious son of a *#@%@! Bring it!!! You can't just push the Bummer-Free zone around like that. You're messing with the wrong blog, mister!

Sincerely,

Josh Tate

The Sauce said...

Josh TATE! I won't use this forum to air what I've heretofore referred to as our childhood dirty laundry (consisting namely of your abduction of Fuzzy...I think Job considers himself sort of the de facto owner of Fuzzy, considering we were closer in age and perhaps he more attached to both me and Fuzzy, but you still STOLE HER...the song remains the same but the details are questionable and grow more amorphous as time passes....), BUT you, in our PRIVATE correspondence, implicated Sheriff Lovely on a number of occasions, and I supported you--albeit in as unbiased a manner as possible (because Stephen Maxon is my friend--let it be known here on the record, Job? Consider him monopolized...but thanks for comin' out)--in your allegations against Steve, or at VERY least was prepared to air on the side of suspicion based solely on your standing as Chairman of the WBA. The fact that I've stumbled upon this entry (I was a Barefoot Kangaroo follower, entirely unaware of the fact that you have a blog that appears to devote much of its time to SLANDERING me) that suggests I was/am abusing substances. You even know that I've of late given up coffee....how's a girl expected to practice with a BROKEN BOBBER, Josh "Saboteur" Tate?
This whole "a new one's in the mail" is suspect too. Let this serve as the first public platform wherein the "Hazel Banshee" demonstrates her fortitude (that she totally doesn't have in real life :)). I'm shaken by your suggestion that I had anything to do with Steve's cheating. As far as I know, we should all be granted handicaps based solely on the fact that it's not fair he has such long appendages.
I'm hurt, and I need to sleep on it.
Your friend (or so I thought....so sad....baked and mailed transcontinental delicacies only to be betrayed), There is no implication that I've abused substances. I demonstrated shock and awe at the mere possibility of having done so. I even gasped aloud. I now know who to trust and who not to.
lisa :)
p.s. Stresstabs and One-A-Day are really all it takes. My arms grow more defined every day and all I do is type!

Steve, you're in trouble too. :)
I'd start to talk trash but it's hard to practice with a broken dangler!!!! :)

barefootkangaroo said...

Roid rage.

Steve said...

I don't deny anything. If it comes in a bottle, I'm takin' it.

The Sauce said...

Stephen--Your brevity set against my verbosity is humbling & humiliating.
Time to snort some Ritalin.
___________________________________

*after posting, by the way Josh, I referred to it as 'roid rage too*