MISLABELED

The following sensations have been mislabeled by our society as painful, uncomfortable or irritating. I believe they feel quite good, and are, in fact enjoyable. If you decide they feel good it will be so. The only thing keeping you from enjoying these sensations, as I do, is society's expectations.

10. Pink Eye (I gots to rub it.)
9. The welt left after a bee sting
8. pushing on a bruise
7. the feel of a rug burn rubbing against my trousers
6. When I use a muscle that hasn't been used in a while
5. slight to mild sun burns (I don't like severe sun burns)
4. The pressure in your ears (and they just won't pop) from flying, or driving up and down a mountain. (I also like when water gets stuick in your ear after swimming.)
3. canker sores (or as my Grandma called them- "Gum Boils")
2. slight skin abrasions and cuts. ( I don't like being cut anymore than I enjoy being stung by a bee, but the sore (society's word not mine) left afterward is what I enjoy. Mercy mixed with punishment.)
1. Athletes Foot (My Favorite)

In college I worked hard to develop a new strain of Athletes Foot. I would still be infected (Also society's word) were it not for my wife who said "It's me or the fungus!" I relapsed a few times over the course of our marriage, but Sarah always found me out. Once she surpirsed me as I was using a sock like a piece of dental floss between my toes. It felt sooooo good. Another time she came to me with tears in her eyes, and told me that the skin between her toes was cracking. She demanded to look at my toes, and when she saw the evidence she went straight to the pharmacy. She returned with a nightmarish assortment of treatments and topical medicines. For weeks she administered a shock and awe campaign against my fungal friends, and I am sad to report that they perished. I have been clean (Sarah's word not mine) for almost two years.