"MAMAS DON'T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE COWBOYS."

LEND ME SOME SUGAR. I AM YOUR NEIGHBOR.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!

The Eagles are currently on top of the division. That cannot be disputed.

...but if I may quote my brother John on Washington's loss last night "fifteen and one I guess."

It really is too soon for me to talk about it though. A serious kick in the gut. It hurt.

THE DAY SEEMS PROMISE-PREGNANT

Myt family, the Occidental Tates, have declared today a family Holiday to be celebrated annually on the day of the redskin's season opener. It will be called Happy Day!!! I tried to upload a picture of Rotel, but the stupid system kept rejecting it for some reaosn, but I didn't get all pissed off about it 'cause it's Happy Day!

I'll have to post later about how we observed the holiday, but right now I have to get back to my wife and spawn. Let the festivities begin, and a very merry happy day to you!

Hail to the Redskins!

ABOUT CAMPING AND OTHER THINGS THAT I COULD ONLY ENJOY IF I HAD TO DO THEM

Camping is one of those things I think I would really enjoy if I had to camp. The whole act opf marching out into the woods, pitching a tent, cooking over a fire, sleeping under the stars, etc... for no other purpose than to do those things strikes me as landing a little to close to make believe or role playing. Imitating something genuine. I think I would love camping in the woods and sleeping, eating and living out of doors, but for me to enjoy camping it would need to be necessary. I long for a scenario (I really do) where I have no choice but to live in the woods with no shelter but my tent for a couple of months.

I think I would enjoy hiking and horseback riding too if I was required to do those things. ...but doing them for their own sake strikes me as an empty and unsatisfying activity. I would love it if I had to do them though.

ANGER!!!

This man said that the Redkins will finish last in their division.
...and this man agreed with him.

...and then they both had a good chuckle about the Redskin's preseason performance.

ANGER!!!

Lets just see what they're saying around Chistmas time.

CPO BOX 1666

Quoi?

THIS IS THE REDSKIN'S YEAR!

...and it all begins Monday night at 7:00 pm (eastern Standard Time) at FedEx field against the Vikings. I am all tingly with excitement! Sarah has purchased the Rotel. I'm gonna buy some refreshing beverages, and Monday evening will find me in my living room consuming an almost pornographic amount of calories.

GO SKINS!!!

NEW ALLY IN THE WAR ON TERROR

I held a press conference earlier today on Camp Maranatha's athletic field to announce the exciting news that the Widjiwats have decided to send troops to support the cause of liberty in Iraq, but nobody, not even the Idyllwild Town Crier, arrived to cover this exciting piece of breaking news. Of course, I credit that to the liberal bias in the media and to the fact that most people deny the existence of Widjiwats. Mostly liberal bias though.

Jarudet, the Widjiwat King, intends to send 325 of his best warriors and 13 trained battle crows to the troubled region beginning next month. A follow up force of 1000 may arrive as soon February 2007.

Men to the fore
It's war! It's war!
Hutela AmaDundar!

Take up your spear!
Our enemy's near!
Hutela AmaDundar!

Men show heart,
And do your part!
Hutela AmaDundar!

On to the fight!
Our cause is right!
Hutela AmaDundar!

As we go out
Rise up and shout
Hutela AmaDundar!

CPO BOX 1666

Just last week I began a correspondence campaign to send a letter a week to my former college post office box. I have been thinking about this for over a year now (as my wife can attest), and have been collecting a lot of strange/random/fascinating things to send to that lucky boxholder. I was wondering if anyone out there in the blogosphere was planning to be in the Houghton area around Christmas time. If so, I would mail you some CPO box sized Christmas decorations to adorn said box with. I unfortunatrely will not be in the area, but would appreciate an assist.

The only thing that's a little disconcerting is not knowing if anyone is currently using that box. Is all my effort just ending up in the dead letter office? Plus, does the recipient think he/she is being stalked by some weirdo? Am I a weirdo? I think on the next letter I will give me name and return address. No longer will I operate from the shadows.

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you were walking through the woods with a rifle and you spotted sasquatch, would you shoot him?

EXCERPT FROM JARUDET'S TESTIMONY

"They were forceful words and spoken well-
Properly weighted as they fell.

Through funnel ears they were recieved,
And by some, like me, they were believed."

INTERVIEWS WITH BOWDEN

I plan to make this a recurring post on the Wing & Wave where I interview my son on current events and todays headlines.

Today's topic- The War in Iraq

Me: Thanks for sitting down with me Bowden, and answering a few questions about the war in Iraq.

Bowden: The war in Iraq?

Me: Yes.

Bowden: Oh! You're welcome Daddy.

Me: What are your thoughts in general about the war in Iraq?

Bowden: I don't like that show.

Me: Hmmm... I see. That's profound. What do you mean by that exactly?

Bowden: I like the police animal show.

Me: Should we stay the course as long as it takes or should we set a timetable for the withdrawal of our forces from Iraq?

Bowden: This! (Holding up a toy dinosaur and brandishing it emphatically.)

Me: By brandishing that dinosaur am I to understand that you favor staying the course in Iraq?

Bowden: No! Not dinosaurs in Iraq!

Me: Oh. So... no dinosaurs in Iraq. I think we're in agreement on that, but what about troops?

Bowden: Yeah! What a good idea!

Me: In your opinion, what challenges does Iran represent to the establishment of a democracy in Iraq?

Bowden: No... that's not a word that's a koala's name.

Me: What?

Bowden: (perturbed expression)

Me: Do you think Republican's can maintain control of congress in the next round of elections?

Bowden: Oh yeah! I think so! I remember that!

Me: Okay, this is my last question. What do you see as the biggest foreign policy issue for the U.S. and the Bush administration in the coming year?

Bowden: The peeshy-weeshy. That's the biggest. Lucy too! She's a peeshy-weeshy!

Me: What?

Bowden: Yeah she is!

Me: You're silly.

Bowden: You're a goo-goo bean!

FOLLOW UP QUESTION

During the same phone conversation with my Brother Joel, wherein he asked me the truly strange question about walking through a prison naked, he misunderstood my question about what kind of food would you choose to smell like for the rest of your life.

At first he thought I was asking if you could only smell one smell for the rest of your life and all other smells would cease to exist, which smell would you choose?

I think that is an interesting question in its own right, and so I pose it to you now. Which smell?

I say woodsmoke.

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you had to pick three celebrities to be the groomsmen (or bridesmaids if a female) at your wedding, who would you choose?

QUERY

This moraly bankrupt question comes to you courtesy of my brother Joel who is a minister in the Wesleyan denomination. I was talking to him on the phone last night and he asked me this question.

If you were wrongly accused and convicted of exposing yourself in public, and the judge gave the unusual sentence of requiring that you must walk through a prison naked, but he left you the option of choosing a women's prison or men's prison (I know... weird judge, right?) which would you choose?

and then Joel added

"Oh yeah, and for a bonus question- what would Jesus do?"

" 10 In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother. 11 For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another, 12 not as Cain who was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother’s righteous. 13 Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you."

I John 3:10-13

The children of God are distinguished from the children of the devil by two things:

They practice righteousness
(played out before God and not for the purpose of pleasing men)

and

They love one another
(Not the appearance of love- goes deeper to the sincerity of our motives- God sees our actions and the deeper things that drive us)

Why does the world hate us for this? Because when we live in a manner that is pleasing to God (practicing righteousness and loving our brothers and sisters) it accuses and convicts them in the privacy of their hearts.

Able committed no offense against Cain. Able, through his righteous example, served as an uncomfortable reminder to Cain of how displeasing and selfish his offering was to God. He was faced with a choice- either bow in sweet humility to the truth and change or destroy the immediate cause of his discomfort- Able.

As Christians, we ought to live in such a way that we bring everyone within our sphere of influence to the same place, where they are prompted by our Godly example to either surrender their pride and bow to the truth or seek to destroy us.

If we aren't feeling the wrath of a guilty world, than perhaps we need to examine how we are living, for by following Christ we offer ourselves up as a lightning rod for persecution and blessing.

A STRETCH OF COMMON ROAD

"There's something about a road
That curls away from view
That lures the weary on
By promising something new
"Come just a little further.
Just another mile or two."
But when you 'round the bend
You find yourself anew
faced by a stretch of road
That curls away from view"

Jarudet the Widjiwat

* * *

"A life without Jesus is
All want and no supply-
A grasping after things
That never satisfy."

Jarudet the Widjiwat

TODAY'S QUESTION

If you could only be conscious for one month out of the year (for the rest of your life), which month would you choose?

ROMANS 12:18

"IF POSSIBLE, AS FAR AS IT DEPENDS ON YOU, LIVE AT PEACE WITH EVERYONE."

At my table in Houghton's cafeteria (...and yes it was my table) we had a rule. Do you remember that rule? No frivolous arguments. Strife, zealous argument, and ire over unimportant things have a way of ruining a good meal and leaving a bad taste in the mouth. If this conversation had begun over a plate of stale tater-tots, and clam chowder of suspect origin in that corner of the cafeteria I would have put the kaibosh on the whole regrettable thing. So shut up and lets eat!

QUESTION OF THE DAY- SERVED UP HOT AND FRESH

If you had to smell strongly like a certain kind of food for all the remaining days of your life, so that if you entered a room the smell would waft about and be evident to every nostril, which food would you choose to smell like?

ANGER!!!!!

I had better tone down the rhetoric about this being our year!

ANGER!!!!!

JEDI CONVENTION

With the departure of my brother John, and Chad & Tricia Irving (Jedi's all) as well the Irving's youngling, Isabella, the house seems depressingly empty, but my mind and heart continue to replay the images and conversations of the preceding days. It is good to belong to the body, and I enjoyed the camaraderie and fellowship that came from being with like minded people who love the Lord.

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would that one outfit look like?

Any time you are wearing clothes you must be wearing this outfit.

JARUDET’S INNER MONOLOGUE UPON FIRST MEETING HIS WIFE, LARKIN.

Her form is the key-
My eyes the ignition.
Possessing she-
My heart’s ambition.
Able to transport
Or rip apart
The tenuous cord
Of life and heart,
Or, at a minimum,
Disturb for a time,
The repeating rhythm
Of a monotonous climb.
She’s a power unreleased-
A tractor idling-
An uneaten feast-
When she comes sidling
Over to me.
Should I stand still?
Or should I flee?
Give the eyes their fill?
Or look aside?
…And filled? Could they be
Ever satisfied
Of such a view as she?

Sarah and I at Oxnard

We walked one night
Just I and she.
We walked between
The city and sea.
I marvel now as I recall
We walked alone
So near the sprawl
Of a city built
Beside the sand-
With thousands of homes
So near at hand.
For though it was
Available to each,
To us was left
A deserted beach.
She said, "It comes
From living so near.
To them it's common
Though to us it's dear."
I nodded my head
And said, "I agree."
Then added "I'm glad
It's just you and me."

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you had to change your first name (de facto and de jure) to that of a pet that you own or have previously owned, which pet's name would you choose?

Jarudet says....

Dawn and dusk contain
Both lightest dark
And darkest light

The Pee Wee Study

I'm putting together a Bible study based on the film "Pee Wee's Big Adventure." Any ideas for possble study topics? I have some ideas I have begun working on and I am very excited about it.
But I know that my readership contains some fine minds, who would certainly appreciate the relevance of this film, and the wealth of possible illustrations and discussion topics contained in the same. I think it shows great promise as a springboard for discussion about deeper things. Is it too gimmicky? Maybe patronizing? NO! It is perfect, and I will not be swayed.
So I am asking if any of you could wrap your minds around this and give me your thoughts. I would most appreciate possible themes and study topics. I am very excited about this Bible Study and I am planning to use it as the optional study for next years summer staff. ...Or maybe I'll make it the mandatory one. I haven't decided yet.

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you found yourself somehow transported back in time to when the first Europeans stepped forth on the North American Continent would you render aid to them or warn the Indians about the wars and pestilence that they were bringing with them? You would have the ability to tip the balance of history in the favor of the white man or the red. Would you be torn? Either way somebody is gonna die and your gonna be responsible.

JARUDET THE WIDJIWAT'S PRAYER

"I walk through the heat. I choke on the dust.
The sun drops like bricks through wilting trees,
Falling on me and the brittle crust.
The land is exposed. There is no breeze.
Everything breathlessly waits for the rain.

I long to walk through a soggy place.
A shady place where water flows.
Where mist in the air dampens my face
And dew on the grass- my clothes.
Lord, take us to that place again."

I saw two yellow raincoats in the soggy dripping woods

Coming down a puddled path were two yellow dipping hoods

The violent splash of color in that world of brown and green

Reminded me of birds in pictures I had seen

Birds with brilliant feathers in jungles dimly lit

Like the woods were a canvas and the raincoats- paint on it.

I'M SORRY! THIS IS A BUSY TIME OF THE YEAR FOR ME!

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you could only say three words for the rest of your life, which three words would you choose?

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you were forced into slavery would you be a hard working slave? ...or would you take every opportunity to stick it to the man?

THE WILLIAMS FAMILY

Check out their website at advocare.com/0212759

TODAY'S QUESTION

If all fifty states and the District of Columbia somehow magically turned into members of the oppposite sex, which one could you see yourself marrying? (You can't pick your home state- that smacks of incest.)

A QUESTION FOR THE GENTS

If you had to choose between being completely bald or never cutting your hair again, which would you choose?

Winter is a death- it's true,
But spring is not a birth anew.
It strikes me more as a paradise
After winter's cold, snow and ice.

My Grandma and Grandpa Tate

They played for the winning team.

A QUESTION FOR THE LADIES

If you had to choose between shaving off your hair or never washing it again, which would you choose?

"God gave all men all earth to love,
But since our hearts are small,
Ordained for each one spot should prove
Beloved over all."

Rudyard Kipling

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Name three figures from the Old Testament who you think would have been good football players.

Lullaby for Bowden

Plip-plop! Raindrop
Falling on my roof top
Plip-plip-plop
Will it ever stop?

Peep-peep! peepers
Peeping by the pond
Peepers peeping
An evening song.

Splish-splash! big bass
Jumping in the lake
Splitting the silence
Of daybreak.

Whack-whack! Lumberjack
Chopping down a tree
Maple, Pine, Walnut,
Hickory.

Rip-tear! black bear
Digging for some grubs
Mama's gotta feed
Her hungry cubs.

Pitter-pat! kitty cat
Running to her dish
She's hoping for
Some Tuna Fish.

Crash-boom! Racoon
Digging through the trash
When the dogs are out
They're not so brash.

REGARDING SPRING PEEPERS

"That shouted in the mist a month ago
Like a ghost of sleigh bells in a ghost of snow."

Robert Frost

PEACHY KEEN!!!

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!

"4Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. 5You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. 6Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. 7Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. 8Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, 9and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

Deuteronomy 6:4-9

I love my Dad! In word, deed and in the atmosphere of my boyhood home he modeled Christ for me, and for his Godly example I am thankful. When we would go out to eat as a family I always kind of dreaded when my Dad would pray before the meal. Did he have to do that in public?!? ...and couldn't he abbreviate his prayer or talk more quietly?!? At the time I was ashamed, and I'm sorry to confess, I was ashamed of being associated with Christ under such circumstances. But my dad wasn't. He was totally and utterly unashamed, and that sort of devotion had a big impact on me. My Dad brought his Bible with him when I graduated from High School and when I graduated from the Police Academy. he carried that Bible with him as Mom and he came up to pin my badge on me at the graduation ceremony. Despite our glazed over expressions and silent (but no less visceral) protests he continued to conduct small family devotions every day before school. The world disapproves of such things, but my dad taught me that the approval of the world is not something to be sought after. Only the approval of the Most High matters. He helped me see myself and this world through God's eyes, and through him God opened my spiritual eyes. I am thankful also for a Father who loves my Mom, and who loves me. I am thankful for a praying Father who is also now a praying Grandfather. Someday my Dad and I will rise up and be ushered into the presence of the Most High. These will be forgotten days- days of battle, strife and ugliness- but they are not insignificant days. God has inspired me through my father's example to be bold and unashamed, purposeful and patient, loving and full of integrity in how I govern my home and live my life before my family. I will talk about God with my kids, and I will talk about my kids with my God. I will love my wife, and never, in word or deed, will I deny Christ.

Happy Father's day!

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you had to eat every meal for the rest of your life at one franchise restaurant, which restaurant would you choose? No snacking at other locations either. Everything you eat must come from this restaurant for the rest of your life.

HAPPY FIFTH ANNIVERSARY!!!!!

Five years ago today Sarah and I were getting hitched. At the time we had, what we called, the "five year plan," which basically meant that we would wait five years to start having kids. Well... five years later we have two kids. We're not very good at self-imposed goals.

If I didn't believe in a purposeful God who was intimately involved in the affairs of men I would find the whole process by which we find a mate and build a life together very strange. I mean how do you go from meeting a complete stranger to doing the most silly intimate things together and being more connected to one another than you are to your parents and siblings in so short a time. I would call it strange and arbitrary that I (from the 802) met Sarah (from the 818) , felt a connection, severed ties to our respective families, "cleaved" to one another, and started making babies and a home except that I see God's fingerprints all over it.

I think one of the most important conversations sarah and I had pre-marriage was at Houghton as we were walking out towards the Genessee River after a wings and soda date at the Piza Barn. We had already decided that we were going to get married although we weren't officially engaged yet. We were talking about divorce, and Sarah said "I don't care what you do I'm not going to divorce you." I thought at the time that she had spoken a little too forcefully in the passion of the moment, but as I have lived and loved with Sarah these five years I recognize now that there is a depth to her commitment and love which reminds me of our savior Jesus. She is Christlike in this repsect, she doesn't love me because I possess some secret combination of looks, personality and accomplishments any more than Christ loves me because I am less sinful than other men. Her reasons are mysterious, but I rest secure in the love that my wife and my savior have for me. Of course sarah is very human, and even her love and commitment pales next to that of Christ, but I have learned some things about God through living with sarah. I told a friend recently that if it is the Lord's will for him to get married the girl who he should marry will not only not come between him and God, but she will bring him closer to God. God is jealous, and he doesn't want any human relationship to replace Him in our lives, but seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you. Somebody once said (and I paraphrase) that "love does not consist of looking into one another's eyes, but in looking outward in the same direction. I am thankful that sarah loves the Lord. I am thankful that she loves me, and I am thankful that she loves our children. I am thankful that our marriage is based on mutual commitment to God and not a flimsy emotion.

Happy Anniversary Dearest! I love you!

$1,650.00

It's official! We are without a car. They told Sarah $1,650.00!!!!!!!!!! Yikes! Park it and get used to walking.

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Does anybody want to buy a 2000 Chrysler Cirrus lxi?

Just Kidding!

If you had to be stranded on a deserted island with either John and Paunch from CHiP's or Bo and Luke Duke who would you choose?

IT'S THE TRANSMISSION

I just got off the phone with Sarah, who is a little stressed out trying to police our spawn in some mechanic's shop, while the Chrysler is being diagnosed. Sarah says it is the transmission. Yikes! I don't know much about cars, but I do know a few things about mechanics, and this doesn't sound cheap.

I'm reading a biography on the life of Peter Marshall, which my Dad sent me a while back. The Lord has been speaking to me through his life and testimony. Here is an excerpt from that book, which strikes me as particularly relevant in light of our troublesome car and meager funds.

"To many people, their pocketbook represents the real proving ground for Christianity. Most people either finally accept or reject God on the question of wether religion is practical enough to descend from the stained-glass window level to the pocketbook level. 'Can God feed a starving man? If you need a overcoat, can He provide one? Can he find an unemployed man a job? If not, then where is His power?' So many a man reasons."

Peter Marshall obeyed God's call to move to America from Scotland and enter the ministry even though he was a man of very humble means. He landed in New York with an empty wallet, the address of a relative, and a governing faith in God. My car bleongs to God, and I will trust him with it. He is Lord of my pocketbook and my car.

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

I love you God!

For the last few days I have been dedicating the bulk of my time to cleaning out Camp Maranatha's main tabernacle. Due to the fact that the tabernacle is unheated it goes unused for the fall winter and spring. Well... that's not true exactly. It is used as a garage, workshop, lumberyard and general storage building, but not used for meetings. Approximately 3 squirrel's nests and innumerable birds nests perch among the steel rafters. A fine saw dust and bird poo has settled over everything. Somehow the building must be cleared out and cleaned by Monday, and I am the man for the job. On Monday the first real summer camp will role onto the grounds, and the building must be perfectly clean by then so they can get it dirty again. However, if those kids next week leave enough lumber to build a house, power tools, extension cords, ladders, work tables, and cover everything with sawdust and bird poo... I will quit! Finally I have moved everything out of the building, transferring the mess and disorder to other less visible parts of the camp, and now all that is left is to clean the building. This is the busiest time of the year at Camp Maranatha as we prepare for the upcoming summer rush. Bring it on!
In other news I just received a call from my wife, who is up at her Mom's house again. This past weekend, Annie and Rosie were up for Bowden's birthday party. Rosie was flying out of LAX late Sunday night for Guatemala, but when it came time for them to leave they found that Annie's car was dangerously low on gas so we swapped cars. Yesterday Sarah drove up to the valley to get our car back. This morning when she called she reported that our Chrysler Cirrus, had just broken down in a serious way. To quote my wife, "I don't know what happened, but it's bad!" This has been coming for a long time now. Certain noises have been getting louder, its performance increasingly eccentric, and we haven't had the means to address the growing problems. We probably won't have the means to fix this problem either, but BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD! He knows if we need a car or not and I am confident in His ability to provide this morning. I may be stressed about the whole thing this afternoon, but right now I am at perfect peace. I hate that car though. It was once the flag ship of the greater Tate fleet, but has been nothing but a pain in the rear. Never get a Chrysler! Overpriced piece of junk! I am at peace though. I like walking. I will keep yopu posted, but in the meantime I am forced to agree with Steve's choice for lifetime product supply- definately vehicles. Good call, Steve!

QUESTION OF THE DAY

If you were offered a lifetime supply of any one product, which product would you choose?

PETER MARSHALL GONNA DROP SOME TRUTH ON YA

Lucy's First Steps

Yesterday evening, Lucy Tate took her first steps. Sarah and I were sitting indian style on the floor of our dining room, and Sarah was holding Lucy in her lap. Lucy has been coasting for a while, but yesterday evening she let go of Mommy and took three wobbly steps towards me before collapsing into my lap.

Sarah's face turned white like she had seen a ghost and her hand flew to her heart as she said in an excited sort of way "Did you see that?!?! Did you see that?!?! Oh my gosh!!!!" Then I pronounced in a solemn dignified tone "Those were Lucy's first steps." At least that's how I remember it. Sarah may have a slightly different account of how it happened.

Earlier that day she stood up from a sitting position and held it for a brief moment before collapsing again to the ground. She is also mastering stair climbing, which has necessitated the gates being reinstalled above and below the stairs.

Please note that I broke the story before my wife at potenttates.blogspot.com

WHAT FOLLOWS IS THE MANIFESTO, WHICH SPARKED A REVOLUTION. ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN 1999 "EARTH'S SHORT FUTUTRE" IS JUST AS RELEVANT TODAY AS IT WAS THEN

Write today for your free A.P.D. membership card. (barefootkangaroo@aol.com) By joining the A.P.D. you will be joining one of the fastest growing non-profit orginazations in the country. We hope over the next few years to open our first international chapter in Sudan thanks to Sandy and Reid Arensen who are enthusiatically heading up the project. Thanks Sandy and Reid!

"Earth's Short Future"- Manifesto of the A.P.D. originally authored by A.P.D. founder and visionary Dr. Joshua Tate in 1999

“In the beginning you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you will endure; yes, they will all grow old like a garment; like a cloak you will change them, and they will be discarded.” Psalm 102:25-26

It is believed that from the day that Noah stepped off the ark, until the birth of Christ, the earth’s population had risen to 300 million. In the eighteen centuries directly following the time of Christ the population continued to gradually rise until 1804, when the world’s population, for the first time, topped one billion. Since that time improvements in medical technology, coupled with a higher standard of living and more sanitary lifestyles, have brought about a great surge in population growth. By 1927 the world’s population had grown to two billion, and today the world’s population has exceeded six billion. It took a mere twelve years to make the jump from five to six billion, and today 78 million people are added to the world’s population annually. That is like adding a new France, Sweden and Greece every year, or a Philadelphia every week. Of all the people that have ever walked the face of the earth, one-tenth of them are alive today. The lusty inhabitants of our fair planet show no sign of letting up either. Some scientists optimistically estimate that the world’s population will stabilize just shy of ten billion sometime around the year 2080. Still others pessimistically hint that even with decreased fertility rates it may be too late by then. So what are we to do?
It is the purpose of this essay to propose a possible solution to what many perceive as an imminent overpopulation crisis. I will outline a clear and precise plan of action, which, if followed, will postpone any worries of overpopulation for generations to come. I propose nothing less than that we dwarf an entire generation and continue to dwarf successive generations through manipulation of the human growth hormone.
Dwarfing mankind to half its present size would have many benefits. In effect, by cutting the size of the average homo-sapiens in half, we would make the world twice as large. According to the Little People of America (LPA) the average amount of food consumed by proportionate dwarfs is far less than that consumed by average sized individuals. This means that food consumption would be reduced dramatically. Likewise, everything from clothing to soda cans would also be reduced in size. All items reduced in size would require fewer materials to be used in their construction and thus, would be more efficient. Cars are a prime example of this truth. Not only would smaller cars require fewer materials in their construction, but they would also be more fuel-efficient. Two-lane highways could expand to four, and traffic congestion would be virtually eliminated. It is surprising how many problems concerning the scarcity of resources are directly linked to the size of man and the instruments we use.
Despite the many benefits of dwarfing, of which I have only named a few, there are no shortage of critics for this plan of action. However, for the most part, their criticisms are either trivial in comparison to the crisis at hand, or faulty in their reasoning. I will now address some of the criticisms which have been put forth regarding the effects and implementation of planned dwarfism.




The ethical criticism-
Many criticize planned dwarfism as being unethical. They claim that once we embark on the path towards planned dwarfism, it will be a slippery slope towards more sinister plans such as genetic engineering, euthanasia, or shortened life expectancies. However, dwarfism, in its proper context, should be viewed as an alternative to such plans and not as a precursor. Planned dwarfism is not, “playing God.” It is using our God-given intellect to address a crisis and effect positive change.

The survival criticism-
This criticism points at natural hazards in our environment, such as bears, hurricanes or hail, and concludes that mankind has a hard enough time facing these hazards as we are. How much harder would it be if we were half our present size? They claim that to a bear we would be snack-size, and hurricanes would blow us around like tumbleweed. Large hail could knock us unconscious. I answer this criticism in two ways.
Firstly, the number of dwarfed individuals that may or may not fall victim to natural hazards seems trivial compared to the alternative, which is the famine, drought, and pestilence which would inevitably come with an overpopulation crisis. Secondly, mankind’s survival has never been contingent on our size or strength. It appears to me that if that was all man had going for him we would have long since gone extinct. It is our intellect which sets us apart, and which is our greatest asset against the often hostile world in which we live. Also, one should never underestimate the ability of a market economy driven by profit motive to overcome these problems.

The existing infrastructure and goods dilemma-
If the size of the average person is cut in half, then what are we to do with the existing products and infrastructure which were built with the proportions of today’s person in mind? Once again the ability of a market economy driven by profit motive to iron out these wrinkles should not be underestimated. The same answer can be extended to those jobs, such as logging or commercial fishing, which are strenuous or physically demanding tasks. If there is sufficient demand for a product or service, the market will find a way to provide it at a reasonable cost. For example, Pepsi, “The choice of the next generation,” would repackage its product in smaller cans and bottles. Footstool sales would go through the roof. One company in a major metropolitan area could do very well simply revamping stairways or modifying furniture. Another company might cut new doors into existing ones, or specialize in lowering cupboards. I am confident that for any problem, which would result from existing goods and infrastructure, there is an entrepreneur with a solution. For where there is a potential for profit there is a way. If anything, planned dwarfism has the potential of sparking a worldwide economic boom unparalleled in human history.

The aesthetic objection-
This is the most trivial of the criticisms that I have been presented with. Many object to planned dwarfism on the grounds that they do not find dwarves attractive. This is ridiculous, and I would not even address the issue were it not for the fact that it is such a common objection. When we talk of planned dwarfism we are referring to proportionate dwarves which are equally proportioned individuals. In other words, proportionate dwarves are exactly like today’s population only smaller. Also, dwarfism would be imposed upon an entire generation, so a dwarf would not necessarily be at a reproductive disadvantage. Finally, society’s concept of what is attractive in a person is in a constant state of flux, and can even vary from region to region within the same country. It is irrational to deduce that because our society currently finds dwarfism unattractive that an entire generation of dwarfed individuals would find one another unattractive.

The maverick nation criticism-
Possibly the most legitimate criticism is that, in order to be successfully implemented, a policy of planned dwarfism must be imposed worldwide. Due to the virtual impossibility of achieving this level of international cooperation it would seem that some form of global government, with sufficient power to propose and enforce policy, must necessarily precede the implementation of planned dwarfism. Imagine if nation A dwarfed its offspring, but its neighbor nation B did not. Nation A would then be placed at a disadvantage in a variety of areas ranging from the serious (national defense, competitive advantage of labor) to the seemingly trivial (Olympic competition, Miss Universe pageant). This is perhaps an oversimplification of a very serious and complex problem, but it must be addressed before we can go forward with a policy of planned dwarfism.
I am not convinced that international cooperation can be entirely ruled out as a possibility. The complex fabric of the people groups and nations which make up our planet are becoming more and more intertwined every year. If a majority of the earth’s nations, or even just a few powerful ones such as the United States, European Union and China concluded that this is a policy which should be implemented they could levy strict sanctions on dissenting nations in order to bring them into agreement. In this day and age there is no such thing as a true isolationist. The economies and patterns of life are so intertwined from one nation to the next that it is possible for one nation’s goals to be realized through skillful manipulation of its assets and position in the world.

The cost criticism-
“Do you have any idea how much this will cost?” This question is a common refrain whenever planned dwarfism is discussed. It is generally assumed by most that the cost of implementing a policy of planned dwarfism would be prohibitive. I will not deny that the cost would be staggering, but I answer this objection by pointing out that one cannot put a price tag on saving the world. Also, I have it from two credible sources (who wish to remain anonymous due to the volatility of the issue) that, medically speaking dwarfing an individual is a relatively simple process involving the regulation of growth hormone secretions. Therefore, the immense expense that would come with implementing this policy is not derived from the complexity of the process, but the sheer scale upon which it would be administered.

Conclusion-
No one would suggest that this is going to be an easy process, or one without its faults, but today we find ourselves waging a battle against time and ourselves. Technology and the circumstances of this age have rendered our oversized frames obsolete and dangerously inefficient; they must be shed for smaller, more efficient ones. The alternative is a horrific future fraught with pestilence, war, famine, drought and every imaginable consequence of overpopulation. It is imperative that advocates of planned dwarfism act now. We must argue our case using all means available, and in such a convincing and undeniable manner that the world will come to an acceptance of the necessity of planned dwarfism.

Yesterday, when I came home for lunch, I kicked off my shoes, and relaxed while Sarah made a delicious pasta dish. I like how excited the kids get when I come home. Sarah was missing an ingredient so she and Bowden walked down to the camp's kitchen to borrow it. Bowden returned with an apple as well. Bowden loves apples, but he doesn't like the skin. He typically just bites it off and leaves it scattered throughout the house. He is getting sneakier though. Yesterday, when it was time to go back to work I slipped my feet into my shoes and found where Bowden had stashed those undesireable portions of his apple- my shoe. At least it's all in one place.